You know you’re a DaddyNoob when… “you give your pregnant wife a ‘how you should mother’ talk on her birthday supper.”
I seriously noob’d on this one. It was five weeks ago today that my wife had her last birthday before she enters motherhood. I completely surprised her by taking her out of town to the mountains for a romantic dinner at a beautiful restaurant. It was a quaint intimate restaurant with an ambience that was both classy and cozy. Think mountain lodge. The food complimented the surroundings with being very delicious and well portioned. In addition to this, the chef took the time to personally greet each table and converse about his love for the culinary arts. As you can see, the night was going superb.
I was no noob at all. Surprise on wife’s birthday. Check. Restaurant fit the occasion. Check. Food was scrumptious. Check. As every minute passed, I was raking in some serious husband points. Until I did it. The classic ruin the moment move. See, it was late into our meal and by then I was becoming confident that I had this birthday in the bag. I was certain that I locked it down as a flawless birthday night. I was sure there was no room for mistake now. We started chatting about becoming parents, picking a name and reminding ourselves of how blessed we are to become parents. Then she opened a door that I should have shut. It was the door of the unknown. My wife said something along the lines of; "I hope I’m going to be a good mom, I hope I will know what to do…"
Instead of doing what I typically do when my wife asks silly questions like that, I did the opposite. I swung the door of discouragement wide open. I started to share my timely advice as a DaddyNoob and “encourage” her to be “this” kind of mother. I went on for a couple minutes sharing about the mother she can’t be. Saying ridiculous things like; "you can’t be a nazi all the time. You gotta remember to just relax." Yup I said that on her birthday supper. Thankfully only a couple minutes into my lecture, my loving and oh so gracious wife reminded me of what I was doing. It couldn’t have been anymore clear. She stood her ground and looking unimpressed saying; "Are you giving me a how to be a mother lecture on my birthday?" I tried to back out of it. But there was no use. She was right. I was an idiot. Simple as that. Fortunately, my wife was more determined on enjoying her birthday than listening to my shenanigans. She laughed about it and slammed the door to that topic once and for all.
Oh my. That was a close one. Luckily the surprises weren’t finished for her birthday as I took her out after the meal to a nearby river. I brought all necessities to make a bonfire and have some smores. It was a perfect end to an near disastrous birthday celebration.
So, am I alone? Did you ever put your foot in your mouth during the pregnancy? If so, please share. It will make me feel a lot more human. Ha.
Timely advice from DaddyNoob.